Decembers have always been my favorite month. Not only because it is the final month of the year, or it is a holiday festive season. But it is also a month which made me reflect, look forward, be grateful with everything I have in my life.
Even though this title is probably more suitable for when I am hitting my 30s, but I was sitting in the bus one day, looking out at the snowy freezing winter view, it just hit me that I am turning 25 in a month! Which also means I am hitting my mid 20s! Honestly after I’ve hit my 21st, I stopped counting my age because the number keeps getting bigger & I am feeling older. 😛
So anyway, here are some life lessons I’ve learned so far in my 20s, I hope whoever are reading this might find some inspiration, comfort & most importantly to avoid mistakes I have done. 🙂 Because I’ve wished somebody (my family & friends) would’ve shared their experiences with me but unfortunately with my family we do not talk about things like that. I wished I knew more about their life stories but I am sure a lot of asian children out there can relate. 😛
It’s okay to feel lost.
I honestly cannot stress this point enough. I’ve been there, & still in that situation but once I realised it is really okay to not get your life all figured out, I felt a sense of relieve & you just slowly figured things out along the way. I remembered a year ago I was so lost in life. Came out from a 4 years relationship, adapting back to the single life again because it was very strange considering you’ve shared 4 years worth of time with a partner. Not only that, I was also panicking about my future, what I want to do after I graduate, so on & so forth.
Then for a full year I went on a soul searching journey, met amazing people along the way, listening to their life stories, & that just taught me that you cannot get your life all figured out overnight. Just go with the flow & eventually things will turn out the way you want them to be.
Learned how to be independent.
I’ve made a huge decision 5 years ago, which is to pursue my studies in Russia. In terms of needing to learn how to cook, buy groceries to make sure my fridge always have food so I don’t starve to death, solve life problems by myself & etc. In a way, I was independent. (at least that was what’s portrayed to my family & friends back home) But I wasn’t fully independent on my own. I had the comfort of my friends & ex partner here with me which I have to admit, I do rely on them quite a bit. They are my sense of comfort & life in a foreign country that speaks completely different language just felt easier to bear.
Depends on how you want to put it, but I would say fortunately my bubble broke. Life does not always turn out the way you want it to. My life right now is completely different compared to 5 years ago when I first arrived in Moscow. All these years I was pretty much in my own bubble, hanging out with my circle of friends. I wasted a lot of opportunities as a student studying abroad. To make it up to lost time, within a year my russian language improved a ton! Thanks to all my russian friends & acquaintances.
Not only that, I was forced to do everything by myself too. As it turns out, it is not as scary as I thought. Even though sometimes things get tough, you’d wished somebody was there to give you a helping hand. But now that I’ve looked back on the amount of hardships I’ve been through all by myself, just wow! I am finally independent on my own! 😀
Enjoy your single life/Self love.
It took me quite awhile to adjust back to being single again. For a full year I had a lot of troubles, worries, & problems in my life. I was nowhere in a situation where I am ready to start a relationship again. I also realised I have a lot of issues I needed to solve, mainly within myself. I personally believe that you need to learn how to be content by yourself, to understand your own needs, to be happy & love yourself. Only then you are capable to bring love & joy to another person.
This is definitely a department I have not mastered, but I am surely enjoying the freedom of being single. There’s nobody you need to explain to other than yourself. 😛 & if you are asian, occasionally you have some explaining to do to your parents. 😛
Cut off toxicity.
I am a huge believer of your vibes attract the same kind of things/people. Throughout my early 20s, I was at a few very bad & dark phases of my life. & I got into things & companies that weren’t exactly the best for me. I do not want to say everything I’ve done was bad. At those phases of life, they brought me comfort but it sucks to admit it just prolonged dealing with my own issues.
In order to do that is to cut off all toxicities. Whether it is jealousy, gossips, or even getting into relationships that’s totally toxic for you mentally. There were definitely regrets I’ve done in my life, but these are also mistakes that I’ve identified & make sure to not repeat again.
Forgive when you are ready.
This goes both ways. Whether is to forgive people who have done you wrong, or to forgive yourself for all the wrongdoings you’ve done. & timing is also very important here. You forgive only when you are ready, & that makes whole lots of difference. Back in primary & high school, I make sure to let the people know I’ve already forgiven them. (Even though in some cases I really am not ready to do so but I just say it for the sake of saying). In my 20s, I’ve learned that you do not need to be verbal. & I’ve also learned that you do not forgive somebody for the sake of them, but it is for yourself. This is to free all the bad & negative feelings, life is just easier to move on that way.
It’s okay to say “No.”
I live my whole life feeling bad when I say “no” to people. & not going to lie, sometimes I still struggle & feel bad saying “no”. So then what happened was I always put everyone’s needs above mine. Even though that means I have to do things I really do not want to, but if that’s what makes other people happy then I guess it is worth it.
Now I am not trying to say that you should be a complete asshole & be selfish. It is okay to make exceptions sometimes, to things & people that is worth it for you. But when you do not learn how to say “no”, you’ll be left feeling like an empty exhausted shell. Been there, done that! So don’t repeat after my mistake. Just say “no”, & you do not owe anyone any explanations. If you want to stay in bed all night watching your favorite series/vlogs, so be it! People can’t make you feel guilty for things you really want to do, never let them. 🙂
Stop gossiping/complaining/empty talks.
We are all guilty for this I am sure, especially us girls. 😛 Few months ago I made it a point to myself. That I would stop all these negativities that includes: gossiping, complaining, & empty talks. Life changing! Even though I still complain about life once in awhile, but I guess it can be an exception since life is not always rainbow & butterflies. 😛
In all seriousness, when you stop doing all these & focus on your own life, you’ll be surprised how much time you’ve saved by doing something that is more productive. Aside from that you also stopped spreading bad vibes, & you are just surrounded with positive energy. Try that & thank me later. 😀
Quality over quantity.
Since school I was always that cheerful girl full with different groups of friends. (Thankful my best friend & I still survived through since high school, love her to death :P) But university/adult life made me realised it is all about quality people. I used to be so upset when things do not workout with my friends & I. Thinking what I could’ve done better to save our friendship. Then I’ve realised this fact: you meet people through different phases of your life. It is okay if they are not there throughout your journey. You’ve met them for a reason, they were there for you to help you learn in different phases of your life. It is okay to not be in contact anymore. People change, relationships fall apart, everyone has their different wants in life. Wish them well & move on with life.
I am glad I am ending this year with a note that even though my circle of people had definitely reduced in size, but I’ve found people that inspires, brings happiness, & encourage each other to be a better person. These people are so precious filled with kindness inside them, the world definitely need more people like these! 🙂
Take good care of yourself.
This is also my last point, which is to take good care of yourself physically & mentally. Guilty as charged, I am not good at this but definitely working on it. 😛 Eat healthy & good food, drink tonnes of water everyday, exercise to sweat it all out! Everything needs to start from the inside! Mentally I am in a much better shape right now, but physically I am not at the top of my game. 😛
So to end this post, I really hope it helped or inspired you some way or another. Looking forward to my upcoming mid 20s life (honestly not really :P), explore new things, & continue to challenge myself!