What I’ve Learned About Self Love.

Categories Lifestyle

I believe when we were little children, we were taught by our parents to always love ourselves & also to love the people around us. But honestly, nobody talked about how we should do it, or where should we start. I am a firm believer that there’s no right or wrong in life & that is also the beauty of it. My opinion towards life might not be the same as yours & that’s what makes all of us unique.

I believe everyone had been through rock bottom of life & at that moment it might seem impossible to climb back up. Two years ago, my life literally went down hill. It was not pretty, life was miserable & basically I just wasn’t satisfied & happy with my life. I constantly wanted to runaway from my life. Constantly crave for getaways then I knew, I had a serious problem. A problem that’s going to take a lot of time & effort to heal & make a change. Like it or not, there’s no way running away from your life, you just have to find a way to deal with it.

Thankfully I was not suicidal, I was conscious enough to understand that there are so much more to life I have yet to experience & see, so dying was never an option for me. I was actively doing a lot of soul searching, seeking happiness & dug deep into myself to learn more about self love. So guess what? Two years later I finally felt relieved. I finally felt at ease. I finally feel my bubbly personality is coming back to me, genuinely. Honestly, two years was a long time for me but looking back I am so glad for everything that happened & the process was priceless.

img_8653Be honest to yourself & your feelings.Β 

This was definitely one of the hardest thing to do but also the most important part of my life while seeking for happiness & peace. When there are obstacles in life, the first reaction is always “denial”. It is a coping mechanism of life, to make us feel less hurt. But what I’ve learned it’s that this only prolongs the real issue. I personally learned that you should not allow yourself to be in this stage for too long.

Come to terms with what you are feeling & do not deny them. Which brings me to my next point.

Face your emotions. Don’t conceal/hide them.

It is very natural to suppress feelings we do not like. Anger, sadness, jealousy, you name it. These are bad feelings that we often do not want to deal with. But if you acknowledge them when they surface, it is actually not as scary as you think. Of course you will not feel comfortable at the beginning. But trust me, when you face your emotions face to face like a champion,you will feel a sense of relieve & freedom like you just break free from a tiny space! It’s like come at me, I’ll show you who’s the boss! πŸ˜€

Work with your emotions everyday, not just bad ones but also the good. Practice this everyday & you will get better at it. You will learn how to appreciate good things more. Be fully at present to take in everything you are feeling at that moment. & during the bad days, you’ll also learn how to acknowledge these emotions & learn how to cope with them better.

I usually give myself a pep talk when I do not feel my best. “Hello … feeling, I understand that I am feeling this way right now. I also understand that you are temporary, I respect your presence but at the same time I am going to push through my days/weeks/months & learn to feel better again. You are going to sit at the back of the car because I am the driver!”

Never deny your feelings. Respect each of them. But at the same time let them know you’re the boss & you’re in charge. πŸ™‚

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Art of slowing down.

By nature I am quick-tempered, I like to get things done fast & I also noticed I walk very fast everyday to whichever destinations I needed to be. Wait, I lied. I did not notice it myself but my friends often told me I walked too fast. πŸ˜› But looking back probably 80% of the time I am really not in a hurry & I could have really use the time to slow down & enjoy my surroundings. (except for days I really needed to run to class, I am still working on my time management. :P)

So anyway, back to what I was saying. I am still working on reminding myself to walk slower some days when I am really not in a rush. What I’ve noticed was I feel less out of breath when I arrived to my destinations, I am not as tired & I feel a sense of therapeutic rush just looking at my surroundings even though it could be a busy city with lots of cars & angry people. πŸ˜› Besides, it really puts you in a better mood especially when you are caught in traffic/crowd, you normally feel agitated & annoyed because you just want to quickly get out of that place. But when you slow & calm down, you’re just less stress about it. Why add unwanted stress in your life right?

This point also applies in life too. We are often so busy chasing our goals & dreams, self-absorbed with whatever we are doing & we often forget to slow down & take a good look with what is really going on in life. Slowing down doesn’t mean you are slacking to achieve your goals. It actually allows you to take a breather, take a better look at a bigger picture & then when you are ready to speed back up again, the results are more prominent & efficient.

It’s okay to say “No”.

Being the kind of person who feels bad to reject anything, I usually say “yes” to everything & at the end of the day it really took so much out of me I often couldn’t breathe. I would cramp my schedules as full as I can in a day/week just to satisfy people around me & I always come back feeling even more empty because it felt as if I have already given everything I could. It was toxic & not healthy for me.

I often had to go on hide-outs because they are like my source to recharge & to keep my sanity going. & when I am finally back out again, I feel everything was sucked out of me once again & I am just like an empty shell at the end of the day.

It was definitely very uncomfortable for me at the beginning. I was constantly struggling to start learning how to say “no” but another part of me felt bad so I wanted to say “yes”. I’ve also learned the importance to seek discomfort. Get out of your comfort zone & face your insecurities & discomfort.

One of the best decision of my life. I finally felt in control of my life. As selfish as it sounds, but really sometimes it is okay to say “no”. By the way, Domino pizza has been sending me messages everyday notifying they have good deals going on & it’s really challenging me for saying “no” everyday. πŸ˜› Jokes aside, at the end of the day just do what makes your heart happy & nothing else matters.

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So this comes to an end of what I wanted to share. Many of these points I’ve touched were inspired by book authors & influencers. I’ve read so many books, watched so many videos from inspiring people & I am so thankful for the piece of information I’ve gained & manage to apply them into my life.

Stay happy guys, always choose happiness. πŸ™‚

Vanessa,x.

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