Hello beautiful people over the internet! 🙂
First of all I would like to explain why I have been gone for the past 5 months. I would like to say that blogging has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. I’ve started blogging since I was in high school, not too much about fashion/beauty related posts. But since I’ve started my beauty blog about a year ago, I absolutely enjoyed sharing things I love & what I’ve been using with people over the internet.
I am not going to lie, for the past 5 months things have been very rough for me. My life was basically like a roller coaster ride. I lost a family member recently, fell ill, got my tooth extracted. I also spent two months of summer back home in Malaysia. For those who does not know, I study abroad so every year I only get two months of holiday back home. 🙁 I appreciate the time spent with my family members, especially now that I am an aunt to my niece & nephew. They brought so much joy & happiness into my life which makes my tough journey slightly easier to go through.
Truth is, I’ve been delaying to talk about this for many months over the internet because I feel I am not emotionally ready to talk about it. It is kinda scary to lay out your insecurities over the internet but today when I woke up, I’ve decided that today is the day! I know I am never going to be ready. I just have to stop giving myself excuses & just do it.
As some of you may already know, I have been struggling with acne for about 2 years now. Yes, what I’ve been suffering may not be as serious as some people out there, & some people might even argue that it is just acne, do not be such a drama queen. But I want to say, unless you’ve been on this journey, you will never understand how an acne sufferers feel. For me it has been the worst journey I’ve ever been on. & this summer was the worst my skin has ever been. Unfortunately I did not take photos of my skin during its worst because trust me, I cannot even look myself in the mirror everyday. It has definitely changed me so much as a person. I used to be very outgoing, talkative & never self conscious about my skin or my body. But this journey has definitely changed me a lot, & also has taught me a lot.
I’ve been thinking long & hard on how to share my acne journey out there because I want it to be perfect, I want to tell people out there my own personal experience & the ugly sides of what I have to deal with everyday. I apologize if this post is all over the place, it is just quite emotional to actually sit down & pour out what I’ve been dealing with. So to make this story telling of mine easier to talk about & share with you guys, I think it is easier to start with what acne has taught me & how it has changed me so much as a person. In the future I would like to touch on how it all started, mistakes I have made, and products/things that I do that worked for me. 🙂 I will also include old pictures of what my skin went through for the past few years. This is actually quite nerve wrecking to say it out loud. 🙁
How acne has changed me as a person?
- I became very self conscious about my face/skin. When people look at me the first thing that came to my mind was they are starring at my acne, & they are judging how terrible my skin is. It has also came to a point where I hated eye contacting with people I am talking to.
- Foundations & concealers are my best friend. There was never a day I never leave the house without slapping them on my face. They are my sense of security, comfort & mask. Without them I cannot face the world.
- Hate looking into the mirrors. Til to this day I still struggle very hard when it comes to mirrors. Even though my family & friends have been reassuring me that my skin has transformed so much since summer, but I know this is the internal issues I have to deal with. Everyday I am still very scarred with what I saw since summer.
- I feel ugly everyday. It has literally came to a point where I told myself I am ugly, I cannot even accept myself so how is others going to accept me. I do not love myself, & nobody will ever love me. (This is not true, it’s the devil voice inside of you talking)
- There are days where I cried myself to sleep because of my skin. I definitely know how it feels like of uncertainties. That you are not sure when your skin is going to heal completely. Until now I still struggle with this problem, but I am taking it one day at a time.
- When you find it so hard to accept your own insecurities, people around you have to remind you about it everyday. Like yes girl, I know I have acne on my face you do not need to point it out loud, I am aware thank you!
What I’ve learned?
- Do not let acne define you. Easier said than done, still struggling everyday but I know some day I will get there. I definitely know how it feels like to not want to go out/reject hanging out with your friends & be depressed about your skin. Trust me, do not let acne stop you from doing the things that you love. I’ve been there & definitely regretted it.
- Acne does not equal to ugly. Sure, people out there are going to judge but what can you do? This is life & unfortunately it happens to you. When you cannot change people’s opinion, change yours. Pep talk yourself everyday if you have to. Nobody is perfect & that is okay, you are okay. 🙂
- We all judge ourselves the hardest. This is definitely the most relatable thing I’ve learned this year. Not just acne wise but also about life in general. Yes, you might think that people are starring into your acne when they talk to you. But trust me, it really isn’t as bad as you think. For all you know people aren’t even looking. True story, I asked my friends.
- The lesser the products, the happier your skin. I will do a separate post on my skincare routine in the future. I know everyone’s skin works different, but I definitely noticed mine appreciate the most minimum products. My current routine is cleanse, spot treat & moisturize, day & night. That’s it, that’s the answer!
- Wear lesser makeup. I know this is very hard but you have to try. You need to allow your skin to breathe & heal. Start slow. If it scares you to go out in public completely without makeup, start with cutting off your foundation & only wear concealer. I’ve been keeping my daily makeup routine very minimal & it saves a lot of time too! 😛
- What you put on your skin/into your body, definitely takes a toll on your skin. I’ve quit fast food & soft drinks for 5 months now. Unfortunately I am still human, so I have cheat meal once a month. 😛 It’s definitely hard to resist but once I am used to it, it is actually not as bad as I thought.
These are things that I’ve been through & learned for the past few years. Even though it is a difficult journey but there are days where I am thankful. Because this experience taught me to appreciate my skin, to take better care of myself & also changed my perspectives in life. & along the journey, I am so blessed that I am surrounded with supportive people around me. It is so crazy to think that people accept you so much easier than you accept yourself. & that just proves my points that we judge ourselves the hardest & we are not defined by acne. People are going to love you for who you are, & accept your imperfections for what it is.
This topic is definitely very personal & close to my heart. & I really hope that this post will help some people out there. If you are reading this, I am extending a big hug to you. Trust me, things will get better one day. You just gotta believe, have faith & a lot of patience. Sending lots of loves & hugs! <3